After nearly six years of working with women with breast or gynecological cancer there was not a day that went by that I did not end a conversation with the above words: “hold yourself with love and compassion”. But before I said that, I had two other strategies that I offered pretty much all my patients on the first or at least the second visit with me.
The first strategy I offered women who were going through cancer especially initial diagnosis, starting chemo, contemplating breast surgery or at any other time during the cancer experience was “stay in the present, stay in the here and now”. Along with staying present I encouraged them to live mindfully during this time. Live mindfully with your spouse, your children or other family and friends. Work at paying attention to living right now.
The second strategy was to help them understand about thoughts, our human thoughts the ones that hound us all day and sometimes all night. The thoughts that come to us for no apparent reason, the ones that can drive us crazy. They ARE JUST THOUGHTS. So, think about it, if it really is “the thought that counts” we would be divorced, fired, dead or in jail.
I always ended our sessions with these three strategies and I always wrote them on the back of my business card: Stay present and mindful, be a thought observer and hold yourself with love and compassion. I always ended with “hold yourself with love and compassion” especially if you feel you failed at the first two strategies, I also cover it last because think it carries the biggest impact on our life and is the hardest thing to do. We find it hard to love ourselves and women are especially not good at it even though women are considered the caregivers and “instinctually” wired for caregiving and love. When helping patients understand the need for self-love and compassion I would often use this analogy. “If you treated your children the way you treat yourself, someone would call child protection services on you”. So we know holding yourself with love and compassion is no easy task, but necessary for a full and valued life. Don’t wait for a cancer diagnosis to use three useful strategies to help you get the life you want. Techniques and more strategies to follow.